Alright, I am now married and with one child. We moved so I could be a stay at home mom like I have always wanted. My pregnancies were good. My second pregnancy put a test to my ability to cope with constant pain, which in retrospect now makes me think it was preparing me for the pain after birth as well. I suffered from gall bladder attacks my entire second and third trimester. It was not fun. So a round of pain was endoured during pregnancy. My first pregnancy was for the most part challenging but 3 months were almost pain free because of my blood volume, it was great.
The birth of my first was long like usually for first babies. My second came fast and furious. We planned a home birth and as things got going it felt like getting on the freeway because it was going fast. I felt her head descend, my water broke and I got in the tub. As I tried to sit down in the tub, I felt a tear or a rip of some kind. My birth team assured me it was just her head descending, but I knew better.
When my daughter was about 3 months old i couldn't sleep despite being exhausted, I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't eat despite being hungry. My milk fed my baby fine, but I didn't pump extra. My daughter was a snacker and wanted to be on me all day long. It was fine, I loved her. But I felt awful, I was so tired, so sore. Everything in my mind was consumed by how many steps I had to take to walk to the kitchen and where I was going to sit. Which chair felt best. What place I could lie down, on my side and not get pain in my groin. I thought my sciatica was acting up, the spasms were different though. Squatting hurt, when it use to feel good. My yoga stretches weren't working. Hold my daughter and walking around was nerve wracking because I didn't know if my left leg would give out.
At the same time, my mom and niece moved in with us for various reasons. They helped out a lot, but ultimately had their own lives, and we had to hire a nanny to care for the kids. I couldn't push the stroller to go to the park. One day I would mow the lawn with my daughter on my back and the next week I couldn't get out of bed.
I sought help at 5 months postpartum, and my PCP sent me for a variety of tests all coming back negative, besides a disc bulge. It was not the pain that brought me to tears. I tried PT, acupuncture, Bowen therapy, yoga, massages, and psycho therapy. I saw a clinical psychologist who I talked to, but ultimately didn't help. His couch was thoroughly uncomfortable and he made me take a psych test that ask about thoughts of suicide. I didn't want to kill myself, I wanted help, validation and for someone to find out what was wrong with me! I stop seeing him.
I diagnosed myself with PPD and sought after a therapist that specialized in chronic pain and PPD. It took a few months of trying a few before I found the perfect fit.
My pain continued, ups and downs, good days and bad. I lost weight got fit, and stronger, my pain got worse. I stopped everything, my pain got worse. The good days turned into good weeks. Then a few good months, then when my daughter was 2, my migraines got worse, my periods changed and I started having bladder issues. I couldn't feel when I would have a full bladder until it was so full, then I would empty it and it would be bruised for hours.
My sex life with my husband suffered, sex didn't feel good anymore. I felt dry and it took me days to recover because I didn't feel it, until it was all swollen and sore. I couldn't ride a bike or sit for longer than 10 minutes without getting numb and then having a stabbing pain in my groin. The pain was becoming more centralized. I knew where it was coming from, the general area. I advocated for my self for several years and many doctors of nerve testing, bladder testing, MRIs and xrays and got no where. When my daughter was 5 my Bowen therapists suggesting releasing my illiacus and psoas not just one. This gave me an instant melting away affect. I continued to see him a few times a month and get deep tissue therapeutic massage to breakup the tension that I kept in my sciatic notch. I was lucky I had a supportive husband. We spent thousands of out of pocket money to help me feel better. I lost some more weight and got stronger. I had found a balance.
When my daughter turned 6, I started down the path of pelvic floor physical therapy because sex was getting more difficult and the numbness was spreading all over my left hip, bladders, pelvis, and lady bits.
Being perimenopausal didn't help, it was making things worse. The skin, nerves and bones all start to dry up, not be as lubricated and the friction from movement caused swelling and nerve impingement. Great here we go again!
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